093: My nursing story
My nursing story
Today I wanted to share my journey as a nurse and how I got to where I am today. Everyone's career path is different, and it's important to explore what is possible for yourself.
Nursing was not my first choice, but I found my passion for it. I talked about my experience as a young nurse and the emotional turmoil I faced.
Throughout the episode, you will learn about cultural challenges and overcoming burnout. I also talked about my transition from one position to another.
I hope my story inspires all aspiring nurses and medical professionals. I believe my vulnerability and honesty help normalize the nursing experience and encourage you to explore your own career paths.
Key takeaways:
02:27 - How Liam’s nursing career started
04:50 - Journey of a young nurse
08:34 - Job in London after finishing a nursing degree
11:07 - Emotional Turmoil
13:16 - Getting a postgraduate certification
18:15 - ICU career
24:53 - Starting Over and Facing Cultural Challenges in Canberra
26:53 - Battling Burnout
28:18 - From ICU Nurse to Advanced Life Support Coordinator
32:34 - Leadership in Medical Education
37:41 - Transforming Medical Education
43:30 - Overcoming Job Rejection
47:35 - Embracing Change
52:37 - Final message
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**This transcript was automatically generated using Descript.**
Hello and welcome back to the podcast. Today we are talking about me . No, I mean, we're talking about my nursing career story, cause I want to share my story with the view and the perspective of helping other people understand their story better. Because what I've been noticing, I've been reading this book in turn by Dr. Hannah Royster who is on the podcast recently, it's called In Turn as in T U R N, and if you haven't bought it, you should go and buy it. It is incredible. if you like fictional healthcare stories that are like 100% based in truth and fact and are complete reality.
Go and get this book support Hannah, this is not a sponsored episode. This is not an affiliate link. I just love the book and it's really allowed me to validate my story through her story or through the story of the character in the book who I'm jumping to conclusions as her , and I don't know that's factually true.
But I want you to go and consider purchasing that book and supporting it. I'm waiting for the time where somebody writes a nursing book like this cause it's incredible. So if you're a writer out there, we talk about career options and nursing, and nursing on your terms, write a book, you could totally do that.
So let's think about or explore my career and explore what has got me to where I am today, and I'll share this for a couple of reasons. One, it's so important that we see that everybody's path is different. Two, I want you to give yourself permission through my story to tell yours, and I want you to give yourself permission to explore what is possible for you.
So I started my nursing career journey back in about 2008. I was at high school at the time and I was thinking to myself, what am I gonna do? And I wanna make it . Clear that nursing was not my first choice. So if you're somebody that relates to that is like,nursing is not my first choice.
Preach. It was not my first choice. I had not even considered it, to be honest. I was a LGBTQIA plus, you know? 15, 16 year olds. I was in my final years of school cause in Scotland we finished early, cause you know, education's boring long. I would definitely go back and change that. And I was in a place where I was like, what do I do?
I don't wanna be at school anymore. What do I do? And I wanted to be a musician and I wanted to actually study languages. Ironically, and now live in France. And I've realized that I don't love languages. and that's a good point. Things change. We change as humans and I think that's important for us to give ourselves permission around and acknowledge.
So at the time I was like, I'll do all these things and I'll be the first person in my family to go to university, small town Scotland, you know, lots of industry work, not so much degree led jobs in that town, and my family at the time, my parents, I love them to PCs, but they were like, yeah. what are you gonna do with a linguistic degree?
What are you gonna do as a musician? How are you gonna make money? And I think they were super worried. And I get it, at the time I was strappy and I was a little miffed about this, but looking back, I totally get it and understand. So I thought to myself, well, what do I really like doing? And this was my gauge.
What do I like doing? And I realized that I'd spent my whole life, growing up in healthcare facilities, I'd been, going to work with my mom when I was much younger, before and after school. She worked in a nursing home. So I spent most of my, well, I'll say most of them, my mornings, my evenings in nursing homes, connecting with their residents chatting to the patients.
Connecting to their families, even going out to some of the events. So it just seemed natural that I would become a nurse, like really great career decision, right? I'll just, oh, maybe. And at the time I put two and two together and somebody said to me, I can't remember who it was, why don't you just become a nurse?
You're good with people. Why don't you do that? And I say this cause I know a lot of you have a similar situation. Somebody just says to you, you shouldn't become a nurse. And you just run with it. And look, I'm not here to hate. On reflection, I'm like, probably not the best basis in foundation to build a career, but here we are.
And you know, I wouldn't change a thing now, but looking back, it's not a great decision making filter. Anyway, I went to college for a year. I joined a,healthcare course as a pathway into a degree, so I took that route. So I kind of went through like a TAFE into a uni. the Scotland version of that.
I loved it. I met some amazing clinicians and I got to the end of that year and I was told that I couldn't apply for university cause I was too young. they wouldn't accept me into the program cause I was only 17 at the time. I was super, super young. So I was devastated. I thought the world was gonna end, and I was like, why would you let me take this course if I can't pursue the next step?
So being the high performer and the person that I am, I was like, no, I'm gonna fight this. So I fought it and I got into the degree and I started my nursing degree at 17. Now, there's lots of people that listen to this, that start super young, super early in their career, and there's people that start later in their life and is there a right or wrong?
Is there a good or a bad? I don't know. , I don't know. You get to decide, right? What you tell yourself about that is what you get to decide. But at the time, I had so much fear and doubt I was an imposter. I had low confidence. Everybody, nurses be kind to each other. Everybody around me told me that I wasn't gonna be a good nurse cause I didn't have enough life experience, which was factually.
true The life experience part, but you can be 17 and have a lot of life experience, So I think that if you are somebody that is in a situation where you not quote unquote, got enough life experience and you're too young and people are telling you that, and you're hearing that and your brain starts believing that to be true, I want you to just see that it's BS and I want you to make up your own mind, okay?
Because in that moment I got caught up in that and I believed it to. . And for years that kind of narrative ran my life. I'm too young to do this. I'm too young to apply for that. I can't do this. I'm not at that stage yet. I don't have enough experience. What if I don't have enough life experience? What if I can't connect to patience?
And of course I proved it all wrong throughout my career, but just notice that if it's coming up for you. So I went to uni in Edinburgh. I studied there. I did my bachelor. Did pretty well. Got a distinction. I traveled two and a half hours to and from university every day. so three hours a day traveling, which for Aussies is nothing but in the UK at the time, that was, huge.
I didn't stay in the university complex. I stayed at home with my parents and drove up and down with a couple of us in a car and we had lots of fun. And I used to spend all the time in that car talking about big plans, my career dreams, and I was gonna be the director of nursing. CEO and if they could see me now , if they could see what I'm doing now.
But I honestly do love the path that I've taken. But it's just so interesting and I bring that up because I get on coaching calls all the time and people say to me, Liam, But I just have this plan. This is my goal, and we forget to check back in and see if the goal that we set ourselves when we were 19 still fits now when we're 29 or when we're 25 or when we're 55, we don't stop to check that the goal still fits.
That version of you had a very different perspective, a very different experience, very different goals, very different thoughts, different beliefs. At that point in time in my career, I thought that I could change the world. I was like green and so naive. I was like, oh my God, like these nurse managers, they're terrible.
I'm gonna show them, right? I was like super, like totally, stepping into my little gay self and as I moved through my career. I'm starting to likechange my beliefs and my thoughts and I'm like, oh shit, this is why it's hard. Oh my goodness. This is why they can't implement that. So check in with yourself.
If your goal that you set yourself a couple years ago is feeling like really shitty in your body, if you're not feeling aligned with them. If you're not feeling like it's moving you towards where you want to be and that goals may be changed, maybe the goalposts have changed. Let's normalize that.
Okay. So at the time, that was my goal and they would be fed up of me talking about it every day. And we drive up and down and we do our exams, and then we finally finished. And when I finished my degree, in Scotland, in the uk, we don't have graduate programs. They're not a. , do I think we should have them?
Maybe. but I just had to apply for jobs. So I got an email from the uni saying there's this hospital down in Redding, down outside London, and they're looking for nurses. So I said, sure, let's apply. And I had not even considered leaving Scotland at this point in time. And, you know, ask Scott's we're home boards.
So I was like, oh my God, what would I do? I forgot it. Like I have to move to London. But then the part of me. you know, the gay part of me, the Liam, that's like adventure and excitement was like, this is gonna be so good cause I wanted to get out of the small town, small mindset kind of vibe.
It just wasn't really serving me at the time. So I went to the interview, I, applied, I sent them through a CV cover letter. Can't even remember what it looked like. I wish I could find it. It's on some computer in some rubbish tip somewhere. It was probably an absolute hot mess but I got the job, I went to the interview, I did the medication calculations and went through the interview process and I remember I can still see it and I get a bit sweaty and cloudy thinking about it.
Went into this interview and they're sitting there and they're like, you know, really lovely. And they're really kind actually. And it was all directors of nurses and matrons. And I'm like, oh my God. This is what I want to be doing in the future. And here's me a little 19 year old Liam , I'm gonna change the world.
And I'm so passionate about changing it, changing nursing and the culture and oh my God, I wish I could watch it back. It would be hilarious. But I got the job and they were really impressed, seemingly. I got feedback from the recruiter saying that, one of the things that they actually said, which was my feedback, was, you're gonna be a director of nursing one day.
And I was like, Ooh, how interesting. Now we could talk about that because there could be so many things there, like gender biases and all of the things. But at the time it was like validation. It was like, I've made it, oh my God, this is my path. And I moved down to Redding and I started my job. So I started my job in a acute, clinical decision unit at the time it was called.
So it's like a medical admission and planning unit. We had, I think I'm gonna butcher the numbers, but we had a big unit. It was like two boards opened up to work together. And I think we had like maybe 50 beds. I could be lying, I can't remember. And we had a four Beded hd. Remember vividly my orientation and just being like so excited about everything.
Like even the manual handling training. I was like, this is so fun. This is so cool. and then I got onto the floor and I met my educator and she was really lovely and I started meeting the team and everybody was young, dynamic, fun. And I was like, I'm gonna love this here. And I did. I absolutely loved it.
But I do remember that first couple of days for the grads that are finishing up. I remember the first couple of weeks were absolute emotional turmoil. it was hell. You know, new organization, new paperwork, different countries. Scotland to England, you know, NHS has not the same everywhere. So different people at different systems, different processes.
I grew up in a town where everybody knew everybody. I knew nobody. There was cultural diversity. There was much sicker patients, and my first job was in this busy acute medical ward at Acute Medical Admission Planning Unit, and I had eight patients, one nurse, eight patients, three of them in the side room, the rest of them in a bay.
So I might have six in a bay. I might have five in a bay, depending on the bays that we were in. Then we'd have side rooms, and the side room patients were super sick. Super, super. Like I'm talking boy, P C P A P, they were sick in a side room with infectious Yeah. Infection control issues. So I was like, oh my God.
And I remember the first day I met one of my first friends in Redding, PERA, who just looked at me and shes like, you're new here. yeah. And just good luck. Like it's gonna be fun. You're gonna learn lots. and she had just started a couple of weeks prior, so we had an immediate connection.
So find those. . Fast forward, yeah, a couple of weeks and I'm settling in. I make my first mistake. I give the wrong medication, the wrong dose to a patient, and the world collapses, and I be keep, and I think that I'm gonna lose my registration and all of the things happen. The patient was completely fine.
and of course it was just, you know, it was just human error. I just was rushing. I wasn't paying attention. I was multitasking and I was probably starting to get a little cocky and a little bit confident in my approach and it just all crumbled down. I remember crying, feeling really terrible about it, being pulled into the educator's office and being told that I had to go back through my medication assessment.
I had to do all of this work to reconfirm that I was safe to administer medications, and I was like, oh my God, how embarrassing. And I share that. You're all gonna do it. it's gonna happen at some point. Whether it's a weekend, three weeks in, a month in, it's gonna happen. And the best thing that you can do for yourself is tell the people and, be honest with yourself and on reflection, be kind to yourself.
So that happened and then I applied for a postgraduate certification and being the high performer that I was, cause I thought, I need more certificates. What am I doing? I need more. So I applied for this, hdu course Bearing mind, barely stepped foot in the Hdu. and I get in there and I'm like, oh my God, I need all these skills.
I need to be able to read the central lines and all of this. So I did this, short course at the University of Westland and I did my hdu kind of competency critical care course. And I was told at the time that I wouldn't get a place because I'd only been there for six months and that it's not possible for people that have been here six months to get, this opportunity.
And, you know, in true Lium style, I saw an opportunity and I went for it and I gave myself. And you might start to see some themes here in my career trajectory and what I preach about today, which is giving yourself permission to just go after what the hell you want, regardless of the rules. Okay? The rules are there to be broken.
Always . So I got into the program, I did the course. It was incredible, and it gave me this passion and this hunger for critical care and the new level of knowledge and like the insight and the pathos and all of that. I was like, oh, I love this. And then I wanna share this story because I was approached for an opportunity about a job, but not in a way that you'd think about it.
So I wanna remind you all that we look after humans that have humans that are, they're relatives, and those humans that are relatives or even the humans that we're looking after , they potentially could be people that might wanna hire you one day. They may be a director of nursing, they may be a CEO or somebody that has sun kind of influence and power out.
So I was looking after this patient and I had a really busy day. It was a hot mess. It was 12 hour day. I hadn't had a break. It was like 3:00 PM I started at seven. patients coming in, in. And I had a couple of consistent patients that had stayed cause there was some things outstanding and there was a family around this bed the whole day.
They were really lovely and I was just getting in there, getting the stuff done and in amongst all of it, nothing was ever a problem for me. even though I was internally like stress the hell out, I was always trying to make it like light and light hearted and have fun and connect with people.
I think that if we can't make our patients, put them at ease, then we're in the wrong job. So I was trying. Best as I could to not show them. And I was looking after this one patient in particular who was stable but unwell, and her relative came up to me a couple of times and wanted a few things.
And each time I said, absolutely no problem. For sure. I'll go and get it. I've just got X, Y, and Z to do, but I'll come back to you and blah, blah, blah. And they were always like, no dramas. . So we'll get to the end of the day. and this relative approaches me and she says, oh, I just want you to have a chat with you.
And I'm like, oh God, what have I done? What have I done? Because as nurses, that's how we think. Right? And she came over and she said to me, I just wanna say that your care has been, you know, amazing today. These aren't the exact words, but she said, oh, your care has been incredible today. And you know, when you like, get feedback and it's been an absolute shitter, and you're like, hold on.
Oh my God, I'm gonna cry. I had that feeling, that sensation, I resisted it and I just kinda smiled and held it together and said, oh, thank you so much. That's so kind of you. It means a lot. She said, I'm one of the critical care ICU matron, and, immediately I'm like, oh my God, I didn't wash my hands. What did I do?
And she said to me, Liam, your care has been amazing today, and I think that you should seriously consider a career in ICU in intensive care nursing because you're somebody that is, you know, approachable. you get the job done. And also like the way that you've managed your day to day has been incredible.
And I was like, now I was crying and I was like ugly crying, like started, I'm like, oh my God, thank you so much. I've only been here for a year. So, that was beautiful. And she said to me, you need to come up and have a chat, meet in the intensive care. And let's see, you know, if we've got some jobs opening, maybe you should apply.
And for new graduate Liam, like a year into my job, a year and a half, I was like, oh my God, is this even real? I'm gonna potentially be considered for icu. So I went, I applied, I was like skipping home with glee that day, even though I'd had a shit day. And I was like, I need to apply. I need to apply. So I applied, I interviewed, I got the job.
Could not believe it couldn't. I was like, they've made a mistake. They must have made a mistake. but no, they wanted me, so I studied my ICU journey and that matron, that gave me that opportunity, that gave me permission to believe that it was possible for me, is why I do what I do today, because that matron for me changed everything in my career path.
She was the one and only person that gave me permission to believe in a possible future. In a different path. I'd never even considered being an icu. Hadn't even done an ICU placement. I used to think ICU nurses were like, they've got one patient, man. I was like, I'm gonna be a medical admission planning unit nurse forever.
Like I love it. So I share the story not to gloat about how amazing I was and I think I was pretty amazing and I'm happy to share that. But I think that it's important for us to acknowledge. That we need to give ourselves permission to consider other possibilities, other things that we haven't even considered that other people can see in us.
So from there I started to icu and from there my career kind of just grew and developed. And I always do say this, A career in ICU is a great career, but it's also a really great foundation for doing lots of other things. Now the trouble or the trap with critical care is that when you get in there, it's like, how could I ever leave this?
How could I ever go back to having four patients, like I've done this for 10 years? How could I ever go back to not being a specialist and having such autonomy and being able to look after the sickest people in the hospital? Nothing ever feels like it's gonna land. Right, but you have to give yourself permission again to check back in with your goal and see if it aligns with where you want to be.
I talked to lots of people that are five, 10 years into ICU and they're like, I just don't like this anymore. I just don't wanna do it anymore. I'm like, that's because you've changed as a human. Your goal once was to be an I C U Master, and now that you've mastered icu, now you have a new goal. Give yourself permission to explore that and to move forward.
So I started in icu. I did my transition. I had an amazing six weeks where I was like, kind of like supernumerary. I don't even think people get six minutes now, but I had six weeks at the time and I loved it. I loved, I loved it. I'm like the perfectionist type, right? My bed. Perfect. But bed space was clean, everything was prepared, all of the things, I used to laugh, when I'd take over from people internally and it was like a hot mess.
I'm like, what are you mean doing? You know, I'd have all that bitchy in a narrative, but I loved I C U and I loved the challenge. And I built my career in ICU over the next year and a half, and I got accepted into doing the ICU postgraduate course, and I met my partner. So it was like, what do I do? Where do I go?
Do I leave? Do I stay? And again, I had to give myself permission to give up an amazing opportunity in an ICU where I built an amazing career. And that I was on track. I was on track to get the course to then become a senior nurse and to move towards my goal of being a,matron or a charge nurse. And then imagine, was like, imagine being a director of nursing of critical care.
imagine what that would be like, Liam. But in that moment, I had conflicting. Choices, right? Move to Australia with my partner, who could be the person that I'm with for the rest of my life. Or stay here, get a critical care degree and find somebody else. Find you know, pretty big decisions to make.
And I was starting to get burnt out at this point because even though I only had one patient, and even though I had, you know, that myth of OCU nurses only having one patient, the patients were sick, they were very sick and you know, managing them is hard work. So I obviously chose to go with my. . And in that moment I was in what I see a lot of you experiencing, which is cognitive dissonance, two competing thoughts, and your brain in that moment just wants to go, I don't know.
I don't know what I'm gonna do. So when we say, I don't know, to ourselves, we're giving ourselves permission to indulge in confusion. And I don't know about you, but when you say, I don't know, like I just did there, I don't know. When you say, I don't know, it never feels good, ever. Just think about. it I don't know.
It never feels good. Like it's confusion. There's a bit of fear in there. There's a bit of worry, there's a bit of anxiety. So when we tell ourselves, I don't know, it means that we don't have to make a decision. It's your brain's way of keeping you safe. And this is where most people get stuck in the nursing career cause they know what they could be doing moving forward.
They know what is possible for them. They do. You do know what's possible for you. You're just not allowing yourself to see it. You're not giving yourself. . permission Yeah. And you don't know un unless you try.
This morning I coached somebody. little deviation here, but I coached somebody today that said to me, oh, I just don't know what I would do, Liam.
And I said, , I don't know is a swear word. It's banned here in coaching with me, I don't know, is not allowed. So talk me through what your dream ideal day would be. And she was like, Monday to Friday, this amount of money I'd be driving to work, I'd be starting it this time I'd be doing that. And I went, how funny your brain just told you two seconds ago that you don't know.
Do not listen to your brain's bullshit around. I don't know. Do I stay and do the post-grad and critical care or do I go with my. I could have sat in decision and I could have lost both opportunities. Yeah, so give yourself permission to know what you want, cause you do know what you want. So in that moment, chose look.
and grateful to say that we've been together for 10 years, so we're still moving forward, and then I'll moved to Australia. . And again, that was like a whole new world, right? Different country, different experiences, different systems. Public, private, never worked in private before. Cuz the UK it's, you know, it's only for the prestigious rich people.
and in Australia, you know, it's pretty prevalent. So did agency nursing for a few years. I gave myself permission when I moved to Australia actually to not. Nurse, I said to myself, I'm not gonna nurse. I'm just gonna try something else. Cause I finished at 19, all I've known is nursing. That's it.
I was an a i n, well I was a cleaner and I was an a i n and then nursing. So I was like, maybe I should try something different. This is the right time to do that. So I gave myself permission again and I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I knew that I had nursing as a backup and I went and tried a couple of different things.
So I went and tried. Selling car wash spray because it seemed like a good opportunity at the time. And I was adamant about in Australia and I was walking around and it was an absolute disaster. But I learned that at that point in time, sales was not my skillset and selling something that I didn't really care about.
Not great. and then I went and worked in a, restaurant and I did hospitality and I did my trial shift, and then I never went back because it was hellish and horrible and I thought to myself, I'm a great nurse. Maybe I should just go back to nursing. So I went back to nursing. I got Myra, and I did agency for two years.
Gave myself permission to not commit to anything. and to just explore all of my options. So in doing that, I had so many different experiences. I worked public, private, I did icu, I did medical, I did surgical, I did ICUs in public and private. I did step downs. I did hdu. I did pacu. I never done that before.
I went and what else did I do? I went and worked in clinics, and supported in clinics. And then I also worked for university. So I did clinical facilitation. I set up some educational programs for an agency. I was getting all of these different opportunities left right in Santa that I had never even considered was possible.
So that is the beautiful thing about agency. If you're somebody that's like,I don't know what I wanna do, go and do agency nurse on your terms, and don't let your brain tell you that you're not gonna have enough money, that it's not gonna be safe and stable work. There is so much agency work out there, it's incredible.
Go and do agency for six months, give yourself permission to try all of the things and then make a decision moving forward. Okay? It's one of the easiest career moves that you can make. I'm just gonna give myself a year to do agency, and if I find something that year that I love, I'm gonna run with them.
And if not, I'm gonna keep trying and I'm gonna try different things. So I did that for about two years, and then we moved to. and we moved to Canberra cause Luke finished his PhD and we got an opportunity for him to work for the government. So, awesome. Moved down there. And in Canberra was the first time that I really exposed myself to full-time permanent work and also to cultures that weren't great.
And at this point was like, maybe. Four and a half years into my career, and I just was like, hell no. And if anybody's moved hospitals before, you understand this, every time you move, they're gonna make you do everything all over again, every single time. So I talk about this a lot, which is like compounding career trauma, where every time they ask you to repeat something that you're already efficient in and that you've practiced doing for four or five years, it's.
it plants a seed of diet. This is what I hear all the time in our nurses. It's well, I move jobs and they made me do all of my competencies again, cuz in nursing we seem to not want to respect that people have experience. We don't wanna respect that people have committed to doing the work that they're doing and that they actually have skills.
And because I came from the UK it was like, well, you know, how do we know that you really. Even though I had all the competencies, even though I had all of these things. So it was a really interesting experience for me. I had to start all over again as getting the patients that were super basic ICU patients.
You know, I was being taught things that I'd never, ever in my life heard were actually evidence-based. So I was questioning lots of things and the culture wasn't. So I went from full-time enthusiastic ICU HO school clinician to going down to three days a week, two to three days a week. I eventually dropped it to two.
That was all within a six month period. I'll share this with you because this is the impact of a job that is terrible. a terrible alignment for you. If you are somebody that cannot actually face going to a job because it is so bad and you're dropping your hours, you need to get out of there.
Please book a call with me. Let's have. I, for the first time in my nursing career, got burnt out and was super depressed. I put on like 10 kilos. I was eating my feelings. It was hell. I was drinking, not drinking, like getting drunk, but I was indulging in wine, you know, I'd have a glass of wine cause I deserved it.
And I know some of you will relate to this cause we used this as coping, right? We use it as corporate mechanisms. I had bad managers that blamed me for things that I never did. I had doctors screaming in my face for them not dealing with a potassium that was Jenna seven in an icu. and like having to beg people to do things for our patient, it was help.
It's hell on Earth. So I eventually got to a place where I was crying. I was every day. I came home, I was crying, I was upset. I was, bitching to my partner. I was ranting about it all when I came home for three hours and I was not sleeping, and it's just full cycle. I know the people that are listening to this, that I've experienced this understand a hundred percent what I'm talking.
If you don't, I hope you never experience it, but that's the whole reason why I'm here, so that you don't, or you recognize it quicker than I did, cause it took me a long time. So from there, my partner said to me, this enough is enough. You can't keep doing this. And he said to me, Liam, you're made for better things, you can do more.
And I was like, no, I need to get a master's. I need to get a master's before I can move on and do something different. And He said, go and find a new job, find a new opportunity. What do you want to do? What do you love doing? And I'd done an advanced life support course, through the Australian College of Critical Care Nurses the year prior in when I was in agency.
And I loved that. And I loved the whole experience, and I loved the trainer, and I love the teachings. So I thought, why don't I do that? Why don't I see if there's like a teaching? . And of course I looked and there was a PE teaching job available at one of the other hospitals. And I said to my partner, I said, I can't do this.
I'm not qualified. Like why would they pick me? Everything that you guys tell me on the calls I've been through, I've, I hear you. I see you. I've done it. and he was like, come on enough. Now Luke for background, Luke has a PhD. Luke never lets anything stop him. And he has really positive inner talk . He's very lucky in that sense.
So not lucky, but it's just how he's been designed. So I am the complete opposite. and he was like, enough, get on with it. Apply. Call them, apply. And he was like, you know, he was like the ICU nurse. He was like giving me the guidance and I was kinda like reliant on him to help me see what was possible.
So, , I reluctantly applied. I sent her through and I got an invite for the interview and I was like, oh my God, what is happening? is this actually gonna happen? So I got all dressed up and I went in and I was tanking those overweight and I felt absolutely terrible, but I was like, I need this opportunity.
I was in that real desperate energy of I need to go in here and perform and to show them why I'm the best fit for this job, even. I don't have all of the things that they were looking for. Cause I didn't, I had an ALS course, but I wasn't a trainer and I applied for an advanced life support trainer opportunity, but I didn't have the qualifications, quote unquote, on paper.
So I went, I interviewed, it was the most amazing interview I've ever had. That same week I was interviewing for two opportunities. Both promotions had never been promoted. Both promotions, same hospital. One of the people on the panel, on both panels was similar. So they were the same person on both panels.
So I had so much mind drama about and I'm, oh my God, they're gonna you know, not gimme any opportunities cause I'm just trying to get out and blah, blah blah. And I was offered both the opportunities and I was like, oh, hold on a minute. What am I not seeing? That other people are seeing, and I want you to think about this for you.
What are you not seeing that other people can see so clearly in you? We cannot see what is possible for ourselves when we are stuck in the past and we're stuck in the negative narrative of telling ourselves that we are shit, that we're not good enough and that we're not Worthing, and that not qualified enough for me.
If I had not taken that opportunity and just pushed against all of the drama that I was having, I would not be here. If I not listened and given myself permission to just try just to take the next step, I would not be here today. I would not have got those opportunities. So of course, I chose to take the Advanced Life Support Coordinator role.
And from there I unlocked a whole area of the industry of nursing that I just didn't even know existed, that I was passionate about. And that for me was a game changer in allowing me to develop and move forward in my career and start accumulating the skills and the experiences in the qualifications that I wanted to build a sustainable nursing career.
I worked Monday to Friday. How nice. I got a promotion. I lost shift penalties, but I got a promotion. Trust me, when I. Shift Penalties are not the be all and end all. If you are somebody that is basing the life on just shift penalties alone, you're gonna live a very miserable life. Money is very important to us. But if you are miserable, money is hopeless. It is useless if you're miserable and you're just living for the paycheck. Don't do that to yourself. That's totally optional. You're choosing that. Okay. And I did it for a long time, so I got this job, took a pay cut technically, but got a promotion.
It's one of the armies of moving up. And I had an amazing team and I had to start running these advanced life support courses. And you can imagine what came up, like imposter.com. what the fuck, Liam? What are you doing here? You're. 10 years plus qualified I C U nurses. You've got doctors on this course.
You have all these people with great experience and you are teaching them, and you don't even have the qualification. Imagine the narrative. Imagine the thoughts that I was having about that and I. You know, I let that consume me for the first couple of months of that job. And looking back now, of course, it was totally normal, but at the time, I wasn't sleeping.
I was doubting myself. I was preempting conversations. I was like totally doubting myself. And one thing that I didn't love teaching was ECG interpretation. I'm not good at it. It wasn't my skillset. It wasn't something that I was overly passionate. And because it was such a negative mindset in mind space, I kept thinking to myself, everybody here can see that I'm a fraud.
Everybody can see I'm a fraud. And of course, not one person ever said that to me. In fact, the opposite was true. , even though I was not graded at, I learned to do it and learned to love it as much as I could and then delegated it as soon as I could to somebody else. It was much better at it, right? for the purposes of other people's education, but noticed that I was creating this whole story, and no one ever told me that it was banned.
No one. . So I love that job. I did it for eight months or so, but I kind of got bored in the fact that I couldn't really do a great deal in that role is very specific. and I was running one course a month, so really the whole month was spent preparing. So in Tru Liam style, I went out to find other opportunities and I found, you know, outdated paperwork in the hospital.
I found opportunities to improve quality and safety around recognizing deteriorating patients. I found gaps in our adherence with the national standard. So I went to work and I partnered with people and networked. Everybody knew my name in the hospital and I was looking for opportunities to. and, I did that.
I changed, you know, implemented new processes in different departments. I changed clinical practice in theater and recovery and never worked there in my life, but I helped the team there improve their understanding and the knowledge and their paperwork around recognizing deteriorating patients. I educated midwives on, met calls and all of that and had to learn.
Tailor it to midwives. and I worked with Ed, where ED nurses sit there and they're like, we don't need to learn this. And obviously you are the same, right? We don't need to learn this. We know everything. So I had to make it engaging and exciting. And then I had to fill gaps in medical education where they had no educator and they thought that doing ops was just a task.
Now, I'm not using that as a sweep in generalization that's what all medical nurses think, or all acute subacute nurses think. But you get the point, right? That's what most of us think. Oh, I've gotta do the obs instead of looking at it like, oh, this is an opportunity for me to assess, connect, and, you know, become aware of what's going on with my patient so that I can preempt them.
So I was very passionate about that, but, That job in itself wasn't gonna get me to the next level. I understood that I needed to do education, I needed to do quality, and I needed to show people that I could lead And in leading those people and doing all of those things was able to level up. So I then applied for medical educator. I got the medical educator job and one of the things that set me apart in the medical education space was that I had done all of this work. Okay? So had I just have applied as an S coordinator that done the course every month and that was it, I might have got the job maybe, but because I'd gone above and beyond because I'd used my skillset of being high performer, somebody that wanted to progress and change healthcare.
Cause I know you're all listening. I made it possible for myself to receive this. Through the way that I showed up at work. , so I went in there, I interviewed, I applied, I went to the interview and it was people that I knew. So it was like the first time that I kind of really knew people.
Cause I built all these relationships and. That was really awkward, right? cause I had to sell myself to people, even though they know my skillset. But it's the first time that I recognized that they are not allowed to be biased. They're not. And I know people do, but they're not allowed to be. So I had to really convince them and show them why.
And that was the first time that I took a portfolio into an interview. So I took in things that I thought would demonstrate my skills. Now, this isn't gonna work for every job, but if you go for an education job or a leadership job, or you've been involved in any kind of quality improvement, education, anything that you've created that you can show and demonstrate to them, a portfolio is a great option.
So I took that in at the end of the interview. I gave each one of. A portfolio of my work. So like flyers that I'd created for, educational sessions, different engaging strategies that I'd use to get, you know, people to advance life support or people to early recognition, deteriorating patient training when people are like, man, I don't wanna do it.
What, how did I implement change within Paon Recovery? How did I, update these documents, showing them all of the things that I did? What was the impact? Collecting the data, showing them, giving them feedback about what people thought of my education, putting testimonials in there. All of that got me the job and I got the job, against someone that was pitched for the.
And they were pitched for the job. They'd worked there for years. Incredible, beautiful human being. But I got the job over them. And of course that threw a pizza drama for me cause I knew them. I loved them. They were amazing. and I got the job over them and we were really great at life supporting each other through that.
But it was just a whole other level of experience, right. That I had to navigate. So when I talk about. Nursing isn't difficult. Nursing in itself, we can do with our eyes closed. You're an amazing nurse, you're an amazing clinician. It's all the human shit that comes with being a nurse. That's the problem.
That's what we're navigating. That's what we're struggling with. That's what all of the other things like the staffing and all of that isn't gonna change cause we have to change that ourselves. , and that's what I've learned to be true through my career. And hopefully I can demonstrate that through the story today.
So I did medical education when I went in. The educator had been there, there was somebody in the job, but there wasn't a lot of education happening. So I had to overhaul the whole thing. 150 staff, five in five acute inpatient medical areas, and like a day procedure unit for chemotherapy. Never worked in chemotherapy.
Never worked in stroke. I had all of those in my portfolio, right? So imposter syndrome.com, . But Again, normalize it, okay, I'm an imposter. Let me go to work and find out what the people need and want. So I made myself present on the floor. I reached out to the CNCS I organized meetings when no one really wanted to meet with each other.
Everybody was in their own little pocket. I was a connector. I brought people together so that I could understand what's going on. And of course, people didn't like that. People did not like me and I don't care, right? Because my job was to improve education. It wasn't to be liked. My job was to improve education and to stop us stepping over patients that are collapsing in a heap and being like, oh, I don't want to do, we need to protect these patients.
Let me help. So, I got to work, partnered with all the people, predominantly the staff on the floor. Built rapport and connection. Built the know like and trust factor. If you're an educator or a senior leader, you must, must, must use this time in your first 30, 60, 90 days to build trust and connection. And then from there, I basically created an educational strategy with my peer and my colleague, and we implemented it over five wards.
Now, this was a huge change management process. I'd never done it. , before did I mess up? Yes. Did I step over people and step on people's toes? Yes. Did I upset a lot of people? Yes. Did I also improve education? Yes. Did I reduce hospital preventable injuries and things? Yes. Did I empower the staff? Yes. So I share that because there's always 50 50, you're always gonna piss people off, and you're always gonna give people possibility and options, and.
clarity and empower them. So don't ever let the pissing people off stop you from doing the thing that's gonna actually make the change. Yeah. Like they come hand in hand. There's no just, you know, delivering amazing results and, or just, you know, creating harm for people or creating drama.
They're always there together. So it's about how can you normalize that whole thing. We changed a lot in education. I loved that job. It was my favorite job. I was running around the hospital, like a headless chook. we were the point of contact for a lot of departments because a lot of departments didn't have educators and we were open willing committee.
I came in and did night shift education, which was the first time in years that had been done. I didn't get paid for it. I did it outta my own goodwill cause I'm an idiot . But I did it because the education. the night staff never got education cuz they weren't on a rotating roster. So I saw a need there and most of our issues happened overnight, so I just got creative and I took the time back through the day where I could, but it was outta my own time in pocket, right?
But they valued it so much. Those little things really set me apart. Now I'm not saying you should do that. I'm not saying you should volunteer time, but I did it to be able to build the new and trust factor and probably a little bit of a people pleaser. for sure. But in doing that, it made my job so much.
From there I saw opportunity cause I was like, hold on, I've changed this educational system. We've implemented daily education. We had between 20 to 40 staff come every day to education in an acute medical stream, acute medicine, 50, like all those people off the floor. They came and it was still safe.
I got engagement from everybody. People knew that we were making positive. People love dust in the education sector, in the acute medical space cause they knew they could come to Sam for SAP support. One of the funny things that I want to tell you about in that job, don't worry we're getting to the end, but one of the things that I wanted to tell you about in that job was that when I started the job, I had no office.
And no space to work from. There was a shared office with the doctor and I was like, I'm not sitting here with doctors coming in all day talking to each other. I'm gonna be distracted. I've got a lot of work to do. I need a space. So old hospital, I went looking and I had to negotiate. trust me, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life to get this office, which was just setting there empty Norm was.
But occasionally the MGT used it for, you know, family meetings, but it was tiny and it was not a family meeting room. And bearing in mind, there's a huge family meeting room down the corridor. So I pitched to my dawn and said, I need this room. And they were like, you can't have it. And I was like, okay. And I went to town and I was like, well, these are the reasons why I need it.
I need a space, I need staff to be able to come in. I'm gonna be having discussions with staff about performance. where am I gonna have that in the hallway? So I. partnered with them, eventually convinced them to let me have this room. I had to speak to some room controller in the hospital who knew that's even a thing.
And then the next challenge, once we had got permission was that I had no equipment. So I had to go and find the equipment myself and bring it into the hospital. I'm not joking when I say this, I had to bring it down. . And then the other thing that I noticed, which I'm like, how did I not notice this, was there was no frigging door on the office, no door.
And it was right next to our busy kitchen area. Everybody walking past, no light of course. Cause it's a hospital. Why would there be light in a room for you to understand and know what time of day it is and to be like human, who needs a circadian rhythm? so this cupboard with no light and no dorm.
And I said to the nurse unit manager, I said, why is there no. and bless her. I love her pieces, but she said to me, oh, we had it removed. We had to get it removed. I said, why? She said, oh, one of the wardees was sleeping in there on, day shift and night shift. So we had to deal with the issue.
And I said, so taking the door off deals with the issue . And she's now that you say that, we could have probably just asked him to stop sleeping in there. And I'm like, yeah, you could have, so you will not believe this when I tell you that it took me six months to get a door, six months. So if you're wondering why we don't have more, Why we don't have all the things we want is it takes six months to get a freaking door on an office.
Anyway, I digress. Education was amazing. But I then got this absolutely horrific manager, bully, horrible person, came in above me. I had an incredible leader the whole time. And then she went off. She wanted different opportunities and totally respect that. And then we had, the nurse student manager job for the whole of the medical stream came up and I went, And I thought, you know what?
People really value me here. got great connections, great rapport. I'm a perfect fit. I'm studying my masters of international public health and health leadership and management. Although I've never done this on this level and I hadn't been a leader in that sense. I e a manager, I'd been an educator. I was like, this is the perfect job for me.
I was like convinced that I was assuring. Got an interview and went to the interview and I think I did pretty well. Like I had gathered all of these experiences and that's why when I tell you guys, if you're going for a promotion, you need to gather these experiences so that you can land the promotion and show them why you're the best fit.
So I did all the work and then I didn't get the was out. I did not get the job. it was the first time in my nursing career that I did not get the job, and it crushed me, and I was in a place of despair, depression. I made it mean that I was terrible, that I was not worthy, that I was dumb, stupid. Like you think of the worst thing you could say to yourself.
That's what I said to myself in that moment. And here's the best laugh By this point. I have eight years of incredible nursing. Eight years of impact, eight years of growth, commitment, you know, diversity. Three countries, international experience, and yet in this moment, I'm letting it define my whole career.
and I got feedback from the panel and they said to me, terrible feedback. This is why I'm so passionate about what I do now. Terrible feedback. So she came in, she said, oh, you know, she didn't know how to tell me that I hadn't got the job. Oh, you know, you interviewed well and you know, it was good, but just, you know, we just need somebody with more experience.
And I looked at her and I said, and she said, so, maybe you can backfill. And she's trying to backpedal and she was like not confident in our delivery. And she said, maybe you can backfill. Like maybe, you know, we can consider that. But it was not an actual possibility. She was just throwing it out there to take the edge off and it wasn't true and authentic.
And I saw straight through it. So I'm like, okay. And I said, no worries. I said, do you mind just letting me know who got the opportunity? And she told me and I was like, of course. Of course. We had somebody new come to the hospital that. Decades of experience and I was like, that's amazing. Great. But this person was also known around the hospital for.
like not pleasant. So, I was like, okay, cool, no worries. And I kind of challenged it a little bit and, I had heard on the grapevine before getting the result that, from this director of nursing's ea who happened to be my friend, that I, hadn't been successful. So I kind of knew ahead of time and that she had already decided who had got the job and wrote the actual job report analysis for the CEO before the interviews were.
So some shady shit happens in healthcare. This happens. And I challenged that. I said, well, you know, I did here in the grapevine and it wasn't a good thing for me to do on reflection, but I was hurt. I was hurt in that moment. And I'll let that whole thing define me. And she said to me, Hey, that's not true.
And I would never do that. And then she treated me like absolute shit for the next three weeks before she. . So don't do that. People just don't be an asshole. people are hurting. You know when you apply for a job and you go for it and you don't get it, it's almost like you can't unsee yourself in the job.
I know some of you will relate to this. When you go for a job and you don't get it and you can't unsee yourself, you've already believed that you could do it. You've played with it in your mind where you're like, I could totally do this. So once you're there cognitively, there's no going back. So the next day I get approached by the new.
Person who already works in the hospital. and she comes in, she's did you hear the news? And I'm like, how insensitive of you, ? Yes, I did hear the news. congratulations. And you know, I was trying to be really amicable and I thought, you know, they're gonna be my manager. I love this job. I've made such positive impact here.
I really hope that they see that. And of course I was delusional and they turned around and said, you know, there's gonna be a lot of changes around here. I'm not really sure what you guys do in this office, . And I just was like, oh, my effing. Oh, are you for real? and I was ready, you know, I was poised ready with the knife of the jugular and that was it for me.
That was the spiral of that job. And I share that because people will go through this experience. I know I speak to people every day that go through this, that one individual at the time. I'll let them take over my life. I'll let them consume my brain, I'll let them consume my thoughts. , they did a great job at being an absolute asshole.
and they did it in such a swarmy, like horrible, just dirty way that I just will never like cleanse myself of that. but when they came into the job, it was similar and we had multiple meetings where, you know, she would say things like, oh, you know, Liam, I've got a niece that's 22 and she's much younger than you and she's got less experience, but she could do a better job.
I'm not kidding you when I say this. This is what came out of this person's mouth. So, you know, blokes get bullied too. blokes and like guys and nursing get bullied, nurses, bullied nurses, it doesn't matter. Matter of the Janes are, I'll share that because I know that people will relate to him. So it was horrible.
I burnt out again. I quite quit. Like before quite quitting was a thing. I was quite quitting. And I was in a place where I was like, I'm never ever putting myself through this again. if this is nursing, I don't want it. If this is what it looks like moving up the chain, I don't want it.
And I was like, but I'm such a high performer. Like I'm so good at my job. People really value my contribution and this one human is gonna come in and ruin all of that. She's gonna make my life hell. She was ready to take all of the options away from. She was ready to put me through health the next year.
I could just see it and my brain was going wild. So I gave myself permission to take four weeks sick leave. I got signed off. I gave myself space. I actually went to Fiji in this time and did my internship, with a NGO in Fiji. And I didn't enjoy that experience because I was so worried about coming back to my.
It's the first time that I've truly saw the impact of how your thinking impacts your ability to do your work, and how other people, if you let them, will ruin your life. She ruined my life at that point in time and I let her, and that's what I'm so passionate about, making sure that you don't let other people dictate what is possible for you, cause it's totally optional.
So in that moment, I took the four weeks off, went to Fiji, and whilst I was in Fiji, I was job searching the whole time. Came back, got a job, worked in an, advanced nurse practitioner role in a walking center. Again, never done it before. Never watched Pine. and I felt like an imposter, but I did it . and I gave myself permission to be the beginner again.
Okay? Every level of, your career requires a new version of you. It's unreasonable to think that what you have done so far is gonna get you to the next step, right? You have to learn something new. You have to be exposed to new things, new experiences. That's what growth is. It's pushing our boundaries and getting uncomfortable with being uncomfortable So from that point there, I then went and. Spent three months there. Loved the job, really loved the job, loved the team. It's very autonomous. Worked in a clinic, didn't work weekends well. I did work weekends, or I didn't do night shifts, but it was clinical. And I realized that I didn't love clinical as much as I used to love clinical.
And I was like, I want to be in a place where I can have impact. So I left that job after three months, even though they weren't very pleased with me and even though the manager at the time said, didn't you just stay here and apply for a nurse unit manager job? Like we would've given you one
And I was like, good lesson Liam, to ask for what you want, for And then I moved and I took a nurse unit manager job in, subacute rehab and I loved that job. Really loved that job. Again, totally different I C U to subacute geriatric rehab. I didn't take the job for the specialty. I took the job for the opportunity.
And there's nothing wrong with that. If you want to grow and develop You can do that for sure, because being an our unit manager, if you haven't noticed, isn't about being a specialist in an area. Does it help for sure, but you don't have to be a specialist in that area to be able to manage the team. Your job is not to be the specialist.
Your job is to pull people together, to lead them, to manage them, to achieve the goals, to achieve the KPIs, to manage the budget. You don't need to be a critical care specialist nurse to be a critical care nurse unit manager. That's what we've got. . wrong In fact, the best people that I've ever worked with have not been specialists in the areas that they manage.
My best nurse unit manager wasn't even a nurse . She wasn't a nurse unit manager, but she's my manager in my first educational role as the ALS coordinator. She was an incredible leader. Incredible. She was HR background. I didn't need her to be an nurse unit manager. I needed a leader that had different strategy, different insights, different experiences.
I didn't need to be able to relate to them about how shit it all was. I needed somebody that would guide me mentally, coach me, help me get to the next level. Okay? So if you're somebody that's stopping yourself or going for a job because you're not from that specialty, go for it. Bloody hell.
Give yourself permission. I skipped over the fact that I did take a job in, medicine as a CNC for a while and that job happened within a 24 hour period the day prior. I just randomly to my, nam manager at the time as an educator said, you know, if there's ever a job opportunity as a CNC comes up, let me know cause I'd love to take it.
and then the next day, one of the nurse, cncs burnt out and she needed to time off and it was too much. And, I was in the job . So lesson to be learned there and asking for what you want and putting yourself out there and connecting and collaborating and making yourself known for the right reasons.
That's a long-winded story of my nursing experience, but I hope that for those of you that have listened to the end that you. That you can do whatever the heck you want. That I'm not just talking shit when I say you can give yourself permission to explore what is possible for you. That your path can take so many different turns left, right back forwards.
I even demoted myself. I've skipped out heaps of different jobs that I had within there. I demoted myself at one point, cause I just went, you know, I just miss the impact of education. You get to decide. There are no. rules Only the rules that you create in your mind. So make sure that those rules in your mind serve you.
Make sure that they have your best interest at heart. Make sure that they are not stopping you from achieving greatness. Make sure that the imposter syndrome, the fear, the worry, the anxiety. Is not the thing that stops you from achieving your goals. Because regardless, at every step in this process, those things, the fear, the worry, the anxiety, the imposter syndrome, the excitement, the elation, it was there at every step in this journey.
There was not a change that I made where that was not part of my experience. So don't let that stop you from going after what you truly
want it's been awesome sharing my story with you today. I would love you to connect with me and tell me, cause I've been vulnerable today, and I'll probably have a little vulnerability hangover after this, but I think it's so important that we're honest, open, raw, and authentic about our stories and our experiences, and that is why I set up high performance nursing to help you normalize the nursing.
Narratives and the nursing experiences that we have so that you can move through it. Empower yourself to go after whatever it might be, whether it's clinical, nonclinical, or even leaving the industry. Everything is available to you. Everything is possible. I'll see you in the next one.
